Although it is a hard bullet to swallow, my usual reply is “What has changed?”
If your husband found you attractive enough and he loved you enough to marry you in the first place then what has changed over the years in order to now make him fall out of love with you or not be attracted to you now!
In more than 90% of the incidences, after some severe soul searching, the eventual answer is usually “ME!”
Biggest Problem No 1 – Physical Attraction.
One particular case I will always remember is a husband and wife that I was counselling. They were going through a very bad time in their marriage. The wife was rightfully accusing the husband that he no longer showed any sexual interest in her and that he was very seldom ever loveable anymore.
Without pulling any punches, the husband replied “I am sorry but I can not be attracted to you anymore. When we married you were thin and sexy and now you have become a fat slob.” Unfortunately, although the wife was a very nice person and had a great nature, she had piled on the pounds and hardly could be described as a bikini model.
The wife refused to accept that in order for her husband to be physically attracted to her that she would need to lose weight. She insisted that her husband had to be attracted to her as a person and not due to her looks. Unfortunately the husband soon ended up having affairs and divorce was the final solution to their problems.
When you get married your body no longer belongs to you but belongs to your partner. It is your responsibility to ensure that your body remains attractive and desirable to your partner. Do watch your weight and do not allow your weight to pick up to a stage where your partner is no longer able to be aroused by you.
Problem No 2 – Marriage is boring.
Marriages far too quickly and far too often turn into a boring affair – especially once the kids come along.
Life becomes too fast and it is so easy to allow romance to fall away and for your life to fall into a rut of monotony. It is not long afterwards that the complaints start to come in – My Marriage is boring! In any marriage there are only two people responsible for creating excitement and romance – you and your partner!
If your marriage has become dull and boring it is mostly because you and your partner have allowed it to become boring. Recently my wife and I decided to open an online Lingerie website where we sell sexy lingerie. Needless to say we have countless items of sexy lingerie lying around and my wife decided to adopt a few of these items for herself.
Boy when she is finished bathing at night and reaches into her drawer and pulls out those crotchless panties I already know that we are in for a late night full of entertainment. It is funny how something so almost irrelevant like a pair of sexy panties can put a whole lot of fun into your relationship. Then there are all those other little tricks that can just add so much fun into your romance as well.
Try sending some well thought out sms’s to hubby during the day. Make it clear that you intend to give him an evening of fun but start early in the day so that by the time he gets home he is already very very hot under the collar.
Look back at the things that you used to do when you first got married or when you were dating and start to implement them back into your relationship. Marriage is only as good and as much fun as you create . My late wife who was full of wisdom stated a very clear fact ” Women desire touch while men desire sex. Women need to use sex to get touch and men need to use touch to get sex. That way they both get what they are looking for!”